Dust and Dreams

Dust and Dreams fill my eyes
As i go slow through this road
A weary jacket,with the years grown
While forgotten tryst,smiles a road alone
All alone..

Scorching heat,my wheels have felt
Dry and hard,the winds have been
But friends i've grown, with the desert sand
And the night shall see us drink
To a rose,astrand..

Hate and glare have filled me up
Love and life have cooled me down
And as long i ride,i shall be
The king of heavens and seven seas
All mine,it feels..

Curtains and lives have been run past
Memories and pain and revelations last
but i don't care if i win or lose
The race with an Orange sun
for the new tomorrow.

Dust and dreams in my eyes...


Kill me now,before i shout
Kill me here,before i hate
Take me now,when i am tame
Kill me before i say your name

For times when i shall be set free
Horrid truths would come to be
When 'love' would turn to 'want'
And a 'gift' shall turn to 'need'
And you shall see...

Hurt it would,and pain a lot
As my heart would heave a sigh,
Heavens would close and prisons call
When a fallen god shall cry
On a silent pyre...

Drink and lust would take me home,
To a ship with pirate's flag
And a frightened devil would sit amazed,
When I sing about my angel,disgraced.

The Splendid Truth

Social networking can get real funny.

The 'Five things you cant live without' coloumn is the funniest.
People write all kinds of things.My mom,My dad,My love,My dog,my ipod.....laptop.
Can make you smile,sometimes.
Can make you want to say 'SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!'

The answer i think,would be the same or at least similar for everyone.
Five things one cant live without:Authority,Attention,Sympathy,Ego and Lies.

I watched this watchman guy chase a couple of kids with a stick.Flailing.It was an abandoned building and I'm pretty sure the kids were just playing hide and seek.Now,you could argue that the guy was just doing his job.That he was a broken 60 year old still dedicated to what he is meant to do.You can....

The way i see it,he was thrashing about like a fish cause,at that instant,he wasn't guarding someone else's property.He was protecting HIS building.His,when his master's not around.His,when he has his packed lunch by the pillar.His,when he takes a leak by the wall.His,when he dreams at night.His,when he plays his own games of hide and seek with the world.He will not allow anyone else to hide there.Just like the kid who discovers the best hiding spot.And he will forever be the only one who seeks in there,for times he knows he can never find.

Its his and he will never allow anyone else to take it.His AUTHORITY.
Each one of us has our own deserted builiding.

I dont think i even need to get started on Attention.Social networking is all about it.From stupid online names to cool orkut tags.From totally personal 'Whats-on-my-mind' to yelling out judgements.From making friends to lighting a cigarette.Almost every single thing we do ,we do it for that one glass of irresistable wine.ATTENTION.

SYMPATHY-When was the last time you felt bad that someone else was feeling bad for you??Every one loves it and that's just it.

EGO-You say you don't have it??You say your pride's not worth the sleepless nights you've had cause the girl dint call you back??(Not because she didn't,but because YOU did)That you don't feel like killing yourself for being so stupid again??That you didn't feel bad to borrow money from that one friend again??That your pride is something you are not proud of??

If not.You're a complete Jackass.Sorry.

LIES-Have you never ever lied??Can you tell me for sure,that you have not lied more that a couple of Hundred times?? or a couple of thousand times??

Everyone needs them.That's a Truth.

These were just small examples.I do hope you get the bigger picture.

You can always say that there are other things...like love and friendship.Like the smell of wet earth,a full moon...

Yes,there are.But I'm not in a mood to write about them :)


When is the only time you get bored of the wind blowing at your face???

When you spend two out of three days in a train.

The shabari express.Me,Mom,Dad and little Sister.
I cant say I wasnt dissapointed the first i saw them.I was hoping for a couple of cute girls to be besides us,and they turned out to be two freakishly large boys!!Intimidation to the maximum possible extent and self esteem on an all time low.

It felt like the gods were laughin...'HA HA HA ...YOU'RE LITTLE!!!'

Not that they were bad people,jus that i dont think huge people have got much brains.When was the last time you saw a sumo wrestler win the science fair??People that huge...they either run gymnasiums or own mutton shops(near Charminar).And so,they never need brains.I say its evolution.

You cant think???Get rid of the need to.
If boredom was a knife.I was stabbed.

The way back.

Cute girl at the seat opposite....WITH HER DAD!!!!
Cuter girl at the side....alone.
The whole journey in tormenting silence..SILENCE!!!!!


If boredom was a knife...I was having an autopsy.

Yes,i know.The guy really does look a lot like me.

A Paper Boat

Oceans green under grey blue skies
I sail past with a broken mast
As time swirls a whirlpool by
I survive,on a paper boat
Blind is the captains eye

On the deck i stand,and stare
The sea spits salt and despair
I vomit back some curse at her
She bellows back,angered at my ire
We love this hate we share

Sunset lent some gold,i think
As the ocean turns to a yellow ,bright
A distant bird flies,
Smiles trickle down my face
As all my gods weep with joy

Nightfall sees a lone star twinkle,
My guitar sings to love
Moon smiles a mothers sigh
I play all night,as i know
The paper boat will sail along
This paper boat,called life

The past few days have been awefull...really really awefull....

This one is for all those people who fear death

"In death,Everyone becomes famous"

Ironic,Isnt it??How you feel that a lot more people should know who you are,and then you are dead and it so easily comes true.Whispers ,News and Rumors flying around,Making you the person you always wished to be.Funny,Kind,Sweet,Caring,A good neighbour ,A wonderful Friend.All after you're gone.Ironic-That's exactly what life is.I think.

Death aint all that bad...especially if angels look like Russian Models.

Kill me!Kill me!Kill me!Kill me!Kill me!


A sparkling trait of dust

A sparkling trait of dust
of gloden dreams and lust

A gleaming river flows
and lo!the hour unfolds
As i dance through this life
with maiden 'trust' in the snows

A sparkling trait of dust
of gloden dreams and lust

Lights my morning skies
is my nightly love
Hope,my human grace
kills me sweetly,slow

A sparkling trait of dust
of golden dreams and lust

Fallen freinds shall call
in the rise of wailing dooms
Fighting foes shall weave,
Frightened cries in a room
Shall the night forever pray
behind twisted clouds and moons??

A sparkling trait of dust
of goldnen dreams and lust

Lips that tatse the seed
and fall in love again
Bodies on a raging hearth
and hearts that fend a gale
A rusted knife that feeds
on a heart that tells a tale

A sparkling trait of dust
of golden dreams and lust

It was....

I never thought i'd do it.I never did...All the time that we were walkin,talking,holding hands and convincing each other that this was the best thing that happened to us.

Never,for one minute.No,not even for a second, did i think i'll kill her.

Pretty eyes.Prettiest.I could stare at them all day.I could talk to them ,i could stay in love with them.The voice...sweet voice....

We enjoyed venice.Newyork times said it was the most beautiful city built by man.I think its vegas.
She always told me i had no taste,i replied 'that'd explain you'.And we'd make love on the couch.It was she who dragged me there.Being from venice(los angeles).She always wanted to see the real thing.I cant deny i liked the place.


With its canals,the gondolas ,the small islands...I liked it.I'd say it really was the best place.The second.I remember we were standing on a bridge and she sighed.I later learnt about the Ponte dei Sospiri, the 'bridge of sighs'

She was beautiful,and so was everything else....


The bus rides really wear me off.and my sweet lil cousin brother had his hostel bout 32 miles from my place...32 long miles!!!

The next part of the post has no relation whatsoever.

One guy sitting next to me was shoutin his head off on a phone.Spittin at it,Grinding his teeth.At the end,he said ...'tu mereko missed call diya'.
If you looked at it one way,it was correct. He must have woke up that morning,yawned stretched,decided if wanted to take a leak and looked up into his awesome new GSM phone, which must have read "Mr. Smartass" with a 'U' pointing upwards saying "Missed call(1)"....

Russel peters once said "we indians are cheap" and i totally agree.I say,we being cheap even changed the language.No longer is a "Missed call" something that we have missed,no longer is it our fault.Its the other persons fault....it really is....was it supposed to be???

And since when did 'Tereko SIGHT hai??' actually start meaning that you CANT see prorper...??

I was walking down the street and the book shop said'all books available here'. There wasnt a single book in that shop that wasnt related to the 'JNTU engineering' syllabus.I wanted to yell my ass off .Tell him that books dot mean just pages you try to mug -up!!!I really did...but i reckoned my voice would be lost in the crowd..And so i didnt..

I started thinkin bout stupid things like 'missed calls' and 'sight' and misleading bookshops coz i might just be a stupid person...

But if you are not,try thinkin bout all the un-stupid things.....like about how working a day for bout 50 bucks in the tea shop might actually ruin that 5 year old girl.Like about how BASIC education can create a better life,like about how not throwing plastic on the streets might actually help some day,like about how literacy can bring about a civilised world,like about how proud a mother would be if her son could complete high school,like about how stupid you go when you are drunk,like about how wasted your life is when you smoke,like bout how a million whispers can make a noise,like about how we'd be much better off judjing ourselves more than we do others.

Like about how you HAVE to start thinking.Like about how YOU can make a difference...

I mean...32 bloddy miles?!!!!

Painted woods(part 1)-The bridge

The birds were singing again.I hate it when they mock me like that... and they knew exactly when to do it.

The bridge couldn not take my weight.I had always been someone whose new pants always got too tight after sometime.I always needed new pants.New pants made me look good.

And i thought'maybe if i try to cross the bridge,it wouldnt break at all...and even if it does,i dont think i'll get washed off by the river..i can swim'.i saw him walking towards me,the skinny guy...and i remember the trees dancing.Weird.Trees werent supposed to dance.I dint like him much and i dont know why i did'nt either.i was a 'liker'. I liked everything...everything that dint make me think.

He was something of what i wanted to be.Smart.Funny.... Yes,i hated him from the start. We talked,not about bridge.I think he did not want to talk about the bridge.We talked about the river,the pebbles,the fish,the lands,the trees and the plunge.He told me he needed new pants too,his seemed to grow too big for him every other fortnight.
Then,we looked at the bridge.He told me i should not get on it.He told me it'd just make things worse for people like him.I punched him,told him all that i can do right now was to let him go first.I could hear to the roaches now,and all those wierd six legged creatures heaven would not let in.Creepy.There was one on the ground,it came for judgement.I sent it down to the furnace.The skinny guy had stepped on the bridge.The wind was trying to throw him off his feet.I was tempted to go too.The river would like his meat....Maybe,it would be like two friends gone out for an evening swim.The night was irksome now.Painted ink blue.I just wanted to go to sleep.
She would be waiting for me on the other side.Naked.In front of the fire.....


I walked down a road today
knew i not,what ahead lay
it took me along,sung me a song
with flickering lights along the way...
I walked down a road today

Darkness set in a pleasure new born
Shadows lengthened as lights died out
I looked up,as stars whispered
And trees talked back,
A gentle breeze..
I walked down a road today

Small,cold houses queued up aside
Stories unbound with each little stride
I stopped and gazed
As lizrads ran up their walls
and flies sung love,to a lone lantern...
I walked down a road today

Water reached the end of land,
handsome murk it carried along
Stretched reflections of light shimmered
Calling out my name,
In a daze i jogged,in a dream i fell
Woke up,
And then walked away...
I walked down a road today

As i strutted,on my way back
was cut across by the black fur(ed) Cat
And night witnessed it say,
"It's good luck,today!!"
I laughed aloud,
Until the lights swayed back in
And sang,as i walked back
Into the oblivion....


*Sometimes,youngistaan is totally lost and confused,and so,We are..

Jim carrey once asked his diary...."Why do i fall in love with every other girl who looks at me?"...or something like that....I say 'Excellent Question!'


Know that sound you can hear after readin micro controllers for about 10 hours??As though someone jus set off a tuning fork in your brains.Thats exactly how i feel right now.I'm black,blank and totally confused.Guess i just feel myselves again


Random thoughts people!!I just cant seem to connect one with the other...Yes,Yes...Eben would make an excellent ZoZo.But still ..i feel like that little boy must have felt,when his mom first told him chocolates are bad for teeth.Confused again ...yes...


Its just like what that idiot must have said after makin the leanining tower of pisa.
I just cant get my head straight!!!!

I think i'll try some other time...Some other way...Some other drink....Some other girl..

Our sky so beautiful
the scent so sweet
your heart so tainted
and lies discreet

*Shrugs again

Adios Amigos!!

Yes..Yes...i know...i've watched happy feet :D

13/01/09 : Swearing is fun

NOT FOR WEAK HEARTED LADIEjj....(As for bhai log,if you weak hearted,god help ya!!)

'Madarchod!maiya ke laude!upar dekhke gadi chalara be tu??Gand phodtum teri idhar aaa......'He went on for a little time actually,this guy driving the bike was hit by an auto.There was no apparent damage to him or the bike but he went on....The auto guy 'bein ke!! tereko puchke chlana ab main gaadi?tera baap banaya road be?.....'

It was fun,the 30 second show this people put on.I looked on from a bus and for that 30 secs ,forgot to swear at the traffic n the smoke n the honks!...I think those guys wont even remember each other in a tea shop tomorrow and that they have nothing against the other.I guess its just for fun,even for them.

I don't swear much and i don't swear less either(just like you keep doing other fun stuff, but take a break so that it still remains a fun thing).I think there are just a few ways its not fun..
a)when the other person doesn't like it
b)when you swear like a pussy.(you go on chanting swears without a break as though the break might just give you away..*that's hilarious and sad at the same time!)

Otherwise 'All curse is good curse'...(choot ke bhoot!laude ke baal!!gand mara!*some of my personal favorites*)

Girls who think i must be banned , i warned ya!
boys ....thank you !!

A Friend

Let me ask you guys 'WHO is a friend?'
a)someone you are not so sure about but the time you have with them is the best!
b)someone you trust,someone you know will choose and wish the best for you.
c)someone who talks to you about everything,someone who insists YOU are a friend.
d)someone who makes you think and who knows what you are,what you thinking,ALWAYS.
e)(yes it has 'e' too) some one you can talk to about anything.
f)i don't know.

Right now, i think i'll say(after all those years and so many sworn friends!!)i actually dont know who my friend is.Ever since i started thinkin about this I've had different answers.In fact i've arranged those different answers in the chronological order in those options.I guess you can say that you've got friends of each of the kinds.Then,i'll just ask you "who's the best?Even if some are lucky enough to find all these in one single person , I guess,as time goes on ....the list of options will grow too.
A friend told me that a very impressive person said to him 'You don't have friends until your education gets complete,no one will turn up when you need them'. I guess he wanted to say 'Now is not the time to go loafing around with friends',And my friend did not seem angry, frustrated or surprised by the statement,rather calm actually.I guess he must have been thinkin about who his friends were too..You think and let me know if you come up with an answer.Its hard...real hard.

Bad bad boy

No!no!no! I am not the "i'll kidnap your kid if you cane me ma'am" kinda bad.I am just saying that m jus a normal sadistic kid who is secretly glad if he scores more than his friends do(happens on rare occasions)the boy who gets angry at got coz he thinks he deserves much better than his buddies do.Yea i do get sad bout it sometimes.Its sad that my best friend scores a sweet lookin girl and looses his virginity way before i do!!it is!!Its sad that i am stuck being so thin that they said they'd fly ME this sankranthi,that I use one liners by my friends to impress someone(not always though),that i use the same lines again with different girls.I totally agree to all that. i do!! And i think almost everyone does them too.Think about your friend takin up your line and his girlfriend laughing on for hours on that....I can so assure you that you'll smile,n think (that bastard!)

All i ask people to do is to stop passing judgements upon people you know little or nothing about* a lesson i learned recent and late.You can be just as bitchy as dear old Rakhi.S or lookin just as sad as the 1980 maruti with neons underneath....trust me...

'Wats in a name!?'

When i first thought i'd write in this personal public diary thingy that the virtual world was offering me, i spent a lot of time thinkin about the name...i did create one before this...n i named it 'black rain'(god!i must 've been drunk!)It was a little later that i realised that this name could define 'Wannabe'.And i dont like wannabe...n then i thought i'd be honest,play safe and smart....n i came up with 'curious for life' n on that my sister laughed a lot....n then i came up with 'intelligent stupidness' and i thought oxymorons come under the 1970 style catalouge.I really was getting nowhere with it.n then it hit me! the thing that truly shows what i am ,that shows the whole picture of me,the head,the toes,the teeth,the ass ,the everything was my name.I mean it is all in the name, for me my name is the only thing that describes me as a whole. N that makes me think(as i believe that everyones different),that maybe,my name is my adjective for life.Nothing less than 'he is sooooo rahul' could ever completely describe me.

And so i thought this personal public diary(the virtual me)has got to have my name on it...
I think i'd like to start with a story actually...there was a boy(a kid)first grade i guess,who found that he had wetted his bed at night...he'd been dreaming that he was taking a piss(damn!it always makes him do that!)it was at around 3 in the morning when the wetness woke him up.he stared...he could already imagine the shame when his parents would find out.shame!shame!puppy shame(if anyone else did)it was sad....he thought for sometime,crept quietly into the only bedroom(he slept in the hall),smuggled out the iron(or iron box) and set to work...It was his first time and he was really scared of that hot big thing...but he did it...He ironed his piss right off the bedspread!!n then his trousers...he was gettin back to arranging the bed when he found the mattress wet too...fixing that was simple.he just had to overturn the mattress to the other side n no one would ever know.It wasnt that simple though.the mattress heavy,him small,but he did it alrite..panting n too young to swear, he overturned the mattress.he crept back to the bedroom,placed the iron back n started to go sleep..It was 3 45.not bad!n he must have grinned to himself.He noticed after sometime that the bedspread smelled...bad...he did the only thing he could think of..he spread VICKS on it,the whole part n slept like a log... or a dog(they sleep well too)
Anyways the next day,his mom just thought that the bedspread smelled funny.He was always unsure about what his mother must have guessed but he made sure that shame did not appear...
years passed and he grew,the cleverness grew too(i'd like to think) n the shame must have been nurtured into ego...I was that little kid..Rahul.J.nair(you can say i brag about this,infact i like to)